Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by sandinmyshoes
Member since September 2008
Wondering what lines are fan favorites?
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by dtmuller
Member since July 2003
I don't know about fan favorites, but I'd have to say, "Sorry about that!" has become the most popular in overall use. It's very common, and I doubt most people who use it are even aware of where its popularity began.
I've found that I use a lot of Smart's catchphrases. I didn't quite realize it until back in the '90s, when my kids happened to watch Get Smart Again! and told my wife, "You gotta see this movie! It's where Dad got all his sayings!"
I do have a tendency to say, "That's the second-biggest _______ I've ever seen!"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by sandinmyshoes
Member since September 2008
I didn't know that re "Sorry about that!"
I'll have to get my hands on some old episodes again!
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by powersroc
Member since July 2004
His "would you believe" routine was always fun.Also his "Missed it by that much" always cracked me up too.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by leroykevin
Member since May 2001
I always loved it when Max would say something like "Okay you big ape, you asked for it" then throw a few punches at the guy and not phase him, then Max would put his arm around the guy really pal like and say " I hope I wasn't out of line with that crack about the big ape"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by gpicto
Member since May 2005
Chief: Did you get all of that, Max?
Max: Not all of it, Chief.
Chief: What part didn't you get?!
Max: The part after, "Now listen carefully"
Marriage is between one man and one woman, to the exclusion of all others.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by ralpmg
Member since April 2005
Just used the would you believe joke on someone facebook page . She didnt get the joke but had to use it anyway .
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by haveyoumetchristie
Member since July 2004
I think my personal favorite is when a character would add "[a]nd loving it!" after a statement. I've even made it the URL and title of my blog. :)
"Life is a holiday! Let us live it together!" - Guido Anselmi, 8
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by mhoffman8540
Member since March 2005
Although, it's not a catchphrase, my favorite was from "One Of Our Olives Is Missing". When Max was trying to find Ozark Annie (Carol Burnett), he does an excellent impression of Siegfried asking for his room service; when saying the following:
Max: Vere is my room servicedumkopf!
Bellhop (on phone): What did you order?
Max: I ordered knockvurst, bratvurst, sauerbraten, fried sauerkraut, unt a prune danish.
Bellhop: That was delivered to room 609 (I don't remember the exact room number. Sorry about that!)
Then Max talks a bit more, and proceeds to forget the room number. Classic!
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by pt100
Member since January 2001
Actually, it was the other characters who would say things like, "But Max, you'll be facing terrible danger . . ." and then he'd say, ". . . And loving it!"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by smackmybishop1972
Member since January 2010
They occasionally gave it to other characters as well. I remember the chief got to say this as well.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by tbonesays
Member since January 2007
Chief: They'll target our most valuable cities containing our finest minds.
Smart: "At least Washington DC is safe."
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This message has been deleted.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by bucksix
Member since December 2001
Chief (after Max has suggested some ridiculous idea): OK Max, we'll do it your way, but if we get killed you're fired, (short pause). Max I'm worried.
Max: How's that chief?
Chief: I'm beginning to sound like you.
To this day whenever one of my kids makes a stupid remark they always say
"I'm worried, I'm beginning to sound like DAD.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by rwsmith29456
Member since June 2005
Arch Criminal, 'The Claw': "I am the CRAW!"
Max: "Oh, the Craw."
The Claw: "Not the Craw..the CRAW!"
Max: "I see, you're the Craw"
The Claw: "No not the CRAW! The CRAW!"
And so forth.
I still laugh my butt off when thinking of this exchange.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by jmbwithcats
Member since July 2003
"Now, listen, Red Cloud. Weve always had great respect for the noble red man. Think of the past! Remember when you roamed these great plains with your buffalo, and then came our settlers, and then our soldiers uh, maybe we better forget about the past. The present! Thats what counts, the present! Lets look at the present. Look what weve given you in the present! These nice, tiny little reservations Uh, lets talk about the future, Red Cloud. Now, if we take the promises of the past, and join them with the policies of the present, then theres only one thing left to say let er rip, Red Cloud!"
Get Smart: Washington 4, Indians 3
My Music: www.kittysafe.net
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/catnipdream
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by Chapter24
Member since July 2003
I forget the episode but Max repeating an old proverb: "Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler".
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by cind5
Member since April 2006
1) He said " get my knee off his chest"
2) My oppenent has made a complete jackass out of himself, not it's my turn.
3) I asked you not to tell me that.
4) Seigfried: This is KAOS, we don't (fill in the blank) here!
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by alanr4447a
Member since June 2005
If only he had used his powers for niceness, instead of evil!
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by tbonesays
Member since January 2007
"Here that Siegfried? He has a distinct and recognizable voice."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by alkhmyst-743-479615
Member since July 2013
From "Rub-a Dub Dub, Three Spies in a Sub"
(Control is dropping depth charges on KAOS's submarine.)
BOOM! (frightened noises from crew)
SIEGFRIED: "Don't panic!"
(the scene goes on, and the depth charges get closer and closer, finally-)
BOOOOMMM!!! (water leaks, the sub rocks, etc.)
SIEGFRIED: "Prepare to panic!"
"Let's have some new cliches."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by vmacek@mindspring.com
Member since January 2001
I got a laugh when the Chief sends Max after a femme fatale agent, warning him:
Chief: Be careful, Max - she's gorgeous but deadly.
Max [leaning in]: so am I!
A reprogrammed Hymie tries to kill the Chief, who then tells Max he has to deactivate Hymie.
Max: But Chief! Hymie's my friend!
Chief: Max, your 'friend' just burst through my door, destroyed my desk, and tried to strangle me!
Max: I said he was my friend - I didn't say he was yours!
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by mhoffman8540
Member since March 2005
This one is from "The Amazing Harry Hoo".
Bobo: The spy network is just a front; the real money is in the laundry.
The Craw: The less he knows, the better.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by fivefids
Member since June 2000
Max taking a female witness in their confidence "We're trying to stop an evil organization who has been trying to get control of this country for years" and she replies "Oh, you mean the Republicans?"
Not to be a partisan, just that LBJ was president at the time so it made that line funny. Could've worked the other way too.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by darryl-tahirali
Member since July 2012
Not to be a partisan, just that LBJ was president at the time so it made that line funny. Could've worked the other way too. - fivefids
It did work the other way, too. Gilligan's Island provided the "opposition voice" in the form of the Howells, who made fun of Democrats.
For example, in "The Friendly Physician," Mrs. Howell says to the titular character (paraphrasing a bit), "You must be one of those awful doctors who voted for Medicare!" which was enacted during the LBJ administration. (Not that doctors actually voted for it, but still.)
And don't worry about being "partisan" because it seems to me that 50 years ago Americans weren't so self-consciously hypersensitive about their political identification as they are now. Even further back than that: I'm an old-radio fan, and I was listening to a Burns and Allen show a few weeks back. I can't recall what George said exactly, but Gracie replied with, "And look what happens when the Republicans get into power!" Nowadays, that would be an "edgy" comment Stephen Colbert makes, and it would be quickly vilified on townhall.com and a hundred other places. But back then it was humorous fodder.
I'm stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis blues again. - Lifted from Zimmy
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by marilynnewman
Member since March 2014
Devonshire says the magic words, "waiter the check please." Max shoots him, and says "I better have a good explanation for this."
Max is fighting with Leadside and accidentally pushes Norman out the window. Leadside says, "My mother gave me Norman."
Max infiltrates Kaos' prisoner of war camp. Siegfried offers him a drink. "if it were not for the eye patch and the mustache on your glass." "mustache on your glass?!" Max jumps out the window, "Shtarker, release the hounds!" They just had a recording of the dogs." "Shtarker, what happened to the hounds?" "They ran away." "Why did they run away." "I don't know, I fed them the same food as the prisoners." "They could get sick!"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by marilynnewman
Member since March 2014
Hans Hunter episode quotes (My favorite episode) Big box is delivered to Control's super secret headquarters. Chief asks them how they found their way there, they tell how they asked 20 people, but they didn't know.
Chief: "Then how did you find us?"
Delivery Man: "A boy putting air in his tires at a filling station told us."
(They open the box, Max points out that the agent looks strange.)
Chief: "Max, he's been stuffed."
Max: "What'll we do with him?"
Chief: "I suppose we'll have to bury him."
Max: "It seems a shame after all the trouble they took."
Max visits Carlson in the lab, Carlson gives him a pack of cigarettes, say their mini hand grenades. Just light them, puff once and throw them at target.
Max: "What happens if you take more than one puff?"
Carlson: "You'll blow a hole in your head the size of a bowling ball."
Max (raising his eyebrows to his hairline): "Well, that's one way to quit smoking."
Max and 99 find a decrepit bridge, 99 asks how far down it is.
Max: "About a half a mile."
99: "Max, if you took a running start and jumped as far as you could, how far do you think you could jump."
Max: "About a half a mile."
King of Caronia I & II (2nd favorite episode) John Doucette (describing Rupert of Rathskeller): "Women find him a dashing rogue."
Max: "How do men find him?"
John Doucette : "In the yellow pages."
Johnny Carson: introduces Charles' fiance, a 2 minute list of titles. Stops, exits room, reenters. "Princess Marta."
Max & Marta do a reprise of Boyer's "I remember it well." Only Max's version was "Ah yes, I remember the well."
Aboard the Orient Express episode, they stop, and the Countess waxes poetic, about Lichtenstein. Train stops again at another border a few seconds later.
Max: "What took so long?"
Johnny Carson: "Floods, had to evacuate the country."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by steve-furphy
Member since February 2015
I loved, I think was a beauty contest that KAOS had infiltrated. The Chinese KAOS agent shot the Eastern European one and as that person was dying and asking why? the chinese agent said
"Your brand of KAOS is weak and confused; only in my country is there pure KAOS"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by marilynnewman
Member since March 2014
I haven't watched it from 66, so it's not surprising I forgot that, but it is good. I just recently bought the complete 5 seasons which was on sale at Amazon, They also have on disk 5 season 1 a roundtable discussion with the surviving members.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by tbonesays
Member since January 2007
I heard a new one tonight;
Don't play dumb with me, I'm an expert in that.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by fivefids
Member since June 2000
Actually, Col. Flagg on MASH had a similar line in "Quo Vadis Captain Chandler" when he said "Don't play dumb with me, you're not as good at it as I am!"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by toolman001
Member since October 2006
99 (to Max): "Don't tell me it has a self-locking door." Max: "It has a self-locking door." 99: "I asked you not to tell me that."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by simon-282
Member since October 2000
This is one of the best onesthere a line where merna says to max,,hurry or greco will find out what you have done (off screen)we heargreco saying,,greco has already found what you have donemax repeat to mernagreco has already found out what we have done-before greco appears with a diving weapon.
another line is is he trying to kill you? no he's trying to kiss me..
theres so much in this episodealice ghostly is brilliant in this comedyvery underrated..
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by novimovieman
Member since May 2003
Chief: Now Max, you and 99 are to contact agent 44 at this address: the Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar.
Maxwell Smart: Is that Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar?
Chief: No, no, no, Barbie's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar is on Balboa Boulevard. You're to go to Bunny Beebe's Bye-Bye Baby Buggy Bargain Bazaar on Barnaby Boulevard.
"Eventually, all of the creations of science will be used for evil purposes."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by pc-privconfounder
Member since January 2006
I wonder how many takes it took them to get that right.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by ElRaisuli
Member since September 2003
Of course, there's:
Siegfried: "Starker! Dis is KAOS! Vee don't "do-do-do" here!"
I love this deadpan exchange between Mrs. Van Hooten and her butler, Hogarth, in Season 5's "Rebecca of Funny Folk Farm." Max and 99 have been turned away from Mrs. Van Hooten's creepy old mansion during the middle of a storm.
H:"Mrs. Van Hooten?"
V:"Who was it Hogarth?"
H:"Two lost and weary travelers whose car broke down in the storm."
V:"What did they want?"
H:"Food and shelter. I turned them away."
V:"Well done, Hogarth. (pause) And Hogarth"
H:"Yes, Ma'am?"
V:"First thing in the morning let's get rid of that welcome mat out front."
Also this bit from "Weekend Vampire with Max and 99 in another Old Dark House parody.
Dr. Drago is discussing his hulking servant, Hugo, a mute who can only growl.
Dr. Drago: "Should you hear any unusual noises during the night, you needn't be alarmed. It will just be Hugo pursuing his career."
Max: "His career?"
Dr. Drago: "Yes, he wants to be a band singer."
[Hugo growls an objection.]
Dr. Drago: "Oh, forgive me, Hugo. A big band singer."
And this from the very last episode. The Whip inspects a new weapon he has stolen from CONTROL:
"Gun is like wife's brother will not work!"
"Then the weapon is useless."
"Like wife's brother."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by tay-15
Member since May 2005
I always liked it when people would ask if Smart and Larabee were related (including Chief, if memory serves) - and I only found out just now they actually were in real life.
The bear does not quit. The bear will not die.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by cind5
Member since April 2006
They were cousins in real life. That is true.
Readiness is all.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by toolman001
Member since October 2006
Bird: "Kaos forever. Kaos forever." ( Max points gun at the bird.) 99: "Max." Max: "He may be a harmless little bird, 99, but he's got a big mouth."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by toolman001
Member since October 2006
Max (to Chief): "You'll be making hundreds of decisions without my advice." Chief: " Aaand loving it."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by ElRaisuli
Member since September 2003
From "Don't Look Back" - Max is giving his closing statement at his own trial for murder.
Max: "Your Honor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, for the past 20 minutes I have sat idly by while my worthy opponent, the prosecuting attorney, has stood up here and made a complete jackass out of himself!"
"Now, it's my turn."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by RichN36
Member since September 1999
In a First season Episode Agent 99 is telling Maxwell Smart agent 86 about Agent 43 and she tells him "Your Twice the Agent 43 is" I just loved how they took their time to let this joke play out.
Col. G. Stonehill: Most people around here have heard of Rooster Cogburn.
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by VermontMaid
Member since January 2015
Max has been captured and is being held by some evildoers. At Control headquarters, the Chief and 99 are very concerned about the possibility that he's undergoing horrible torture. The bad guys, in the meantime, have decided to try a new method of interrogation. They tell Max that he'll soon spill everything.
Max: "I'm not talking. I'm not talking."
They bring in a gorgeous girl, beautifully dressed, who walks back and forth in front of him.
Max: "I'm not talking. I'm not talking. I'm looking, but I'm not talking."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by fourpointstars
Member since October 2008
"Our stock hasn't been as high since the day Hitler died."
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by ElRaisuli
Member since September 2003
Siegfried: "I'm sorry Schmart, but my men just happen to love dancing!"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by oversplayer
Member since June 2003
In "Widow Often Annie," the epitome of elegance, Ms. Dana Wynter, plays the part of a black widow who has been marrying Control agents, prying sensitive information out of them, and then killing them.
Needless to say, she marries Max, and the scene shifts to their honeymoon suite where the Chief, 99, and Larabee are hiding on the veranda and waiting for their suspect to incriminate herself so they can arrest her.
Sure enough, she eventually admits that she murdered her first 12 husbands at which point the Chief, 99, and Larabee emerge from their hiding place, looking very proud of themselves, and this conversation ensues:
"Chief: That's just what we've been waiting ten years to hear. Larabee, you got your tape recorder?
Larabee (Smiling): Right here, Chief.
Chief: Good boy.
Larabee: When do you want me to turn it on?"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by oversplayer
Member since June 2003
In "Shock It To Me," Max and 99 are trapped in a cave where the evil Dr. Zharko (played by Tom Poston, the original choice to play Max)is performing dastardly experiments, such as bringing the dead back to life (and vice versa.)
First Max and Dr. Z have this conversation:
"Max: Then it's true: you really can bring people back from the dead?
Dr. Zharko: Yes, as long as I receive the bodies before rigor mortis sets in.
Max: Well, that lets Ed Sullivan out."
Zharko and his hunchback assistant, Bruce (Sid Haig), chain Max and 99 to a wall, and Zharko, with an hilariously fiendish cackle, says he is going to place them in suspended animation.
Then the doctor rubs his hands together in crazed delight and, between diabolical laughs, says, "Now, I'm going to put you to sleep for FIVE YEARS!
At which point Max interjects: "Can I ask a question?
Dr.Z: "What?
Max: Can we watch some television before we go to sleep?"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by vmacek@mindspring.com
Member since January 2001
"Widow Often Annie" has a good one where the Chief is reasoning with a very pregnant and jealous 99: (allowing for memory here)
Chief: In a few weeks you'll be having a child. Don't you want that child to grow up in a country free from strife? A country where all men are equal? A country where freedom is in the very air we breathe?
Max: Of course she does, Chief! what country is that?
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by ElRaisuli
Member since September 2003
From "Weekend Vampire." Dr. Drago is about to kill Max by shooting him with a pair of poison darts from his twin channeled flute.
Dr. Drago: "And now Mr. Smart, it is your turn to hear my Sonata of Death. But before I begin, do you have any last requests?"
Max: "Do you know any show tunes?"
Re: Favorite quotes from Get Smart?
by hightp
Member since June 2006
I can't remember the episode, but the Chief is sending Max on a mission where there sure he'll be tortured so the lab is showing him some of the devices KAOS will use:
They show him a device which clamps down his hand and a large weight drops to crush the wrist.
On seeing it Max makes the note: "Don't wear good watch."
The show him a chair that when activated shoots spikes out of the cushions.
Max makes the note: 'Don't wear new suit.'
At the end of the segment, Max asks something like 'Where did you get these things?' to which the reply is something like: "They are the standard interrogation devices of terrorist organizations. We borrowed them from the IRS."
He who fights and runs away, lives to run away again!